Overcoming My Barrier

iq2Today’s topic becomes a little more serious and specific. Today I will talk about and share my experience with anxiety. Some of you might already be familiar with it and some of you that aren’t, I hope you never will be. Anxiety comes in many shapes and forms, it also hits you when you least expect it, although the reason why it is hard to get rid of and understand anxiety is because it is all in our minds and we are the control system of the happenings. I have friends who had been through it and we all shared our hardships and how we finally overcame it. When I first got my anxiety I was about 19 years old, it knows no age. For me, anxiety is fear, negative thoughts, sadness, and stress. For others these categories might be very different or slightly different than mine, but at the end of the day we shared the same pain. My anxiety started one day when I was at my boyfriends house (now my husband), we were having dinner with his family and all I remember was that I was sitting at the table but in reality I was not there. It felt as if my soul had left my body. All of a sudden my heart began to twitch and by twitch I mean twitch. Imagine a fish just twitching when it’s out of water, that was my heart. All that went through my mind as I got back in my body was “OH MY GOD, I am dying, my heart, what is going on, I am dying, this is it”. Imagine a fear like that taking full effect of your next two years, but wait….it adds on. I went to the ER soon after that and the doctors said that you have anxiety and that it is very common in kids my age. They did an EKG on me to check my heart and everything was A-OKAY but Of course, I thought I knew better than a professional so I did not believe him and thought of useless other reasons why I am dying. Sooner or later, I began to feel certain things on my body such as numbness of my left side, then on the right, then I had a stiff jaw, then I became weak, then I became anxious and worried about every little bit of a thing, then I became sad, then I didn’t want to leave the house, then I lost a lot of weight, and to think, to finally think after those two years that I had control over myself the whole time. The more I thought and searched on the internet the deeper I got sucked into this black hole called, anxiety. I kept telling myself, why is this happening to me, I was so healthy, what happened. Guys, I made myself sick,I made myself believe that I was sick by sending in signals from my brain to certain parts of my body. I truly, deeply feel for whoever is going through this or have gone through it, and if in the future God forbid you do, just know that it will be okay and you are your ONLY savor. No matter how much people tell you from the side, it will not go away until you put a stop to it yourself.
Flashback—->Around my engagement time I did not know whether to be happy or worried. I put up a smile and did it but the whole time I was worried, “what if I start feeling bad and I go to the ER, should I rely on the anxiety pill my doctor gave me? no, I shouldn’t, that isn’t right. It’s okay, I will get through it, I will try my best”. Then came my wedding soon after that, at this time I had already gotten myself 80% ready to let go of this negative dark side of me. I was able to control myself, my thoughts, my actions. It was really falling into place.
Flashback—–>My primary doctor had prescribed me a low dosage of calming medicine for when I had an attack. I have to be honest that I did rely on it couple of times while I was in school because I would have these attacks at very random times. Everything that was generally easy and natural for me to do, was not anymore and I was afraid it never would be. I had an attack in my classroom one day at CSUN and I remember just bursting into this discomfort cry out of nowhere and I was so embarrassed and humiliated for the way I acted. My teacher being afraid and clueless called 911 and the paramedics arrived. It was just such a mess. I had my medicine with me but I did not want to drink it to have my body get used to running from my problems. I eventually did as the paramedics forced me because I was having a really ugly attack. I could not drive with that medicine as it made me drowsy so my friend, thank God was at school and I managed to call her to give me a ride back home, (Thank you Armine, I LOVE YOU!) she was nice enough to leave in the middle of class time to come and take me home. I think I scared everyone else more than I scared myself throughout the whole process,because at some point I was numb to everything. Nothing and nothing made me excited, as if I had no purpose. One person that I had a purpose for was my Fiance at the time, he got me through it a lot along with my mom but like I said before, no one will fix it but you.I could add on so many other days of scary stories but this is enough to share and I hope that I touched someones heart today, and I hope whoever you are this helps you and drives you towards wellness.
  • I went to the ER about 7-8 times within those two years
  • I had my doctors laughing at me for how many visits I took….
  • I had 5 attacks in total
  • My mom thoguht I was crazy
  • I drank medicine and at some point relied on it
  • I had anxiety for 2 years, consistent
  • My anxiety was based on false fear
  • My anxiety started from a heart arrhythmia (due to high levels of stress and lack of exercise)
  • I am NOW over 1.5 years done with anxiety and I can now control it (Thank God)
How to stop it:
  • Take a moment and think
  • Breath
  • Get fresh air
  • Exercise (I am a hypocrite when I say this, I never did it but my doctor told me it had a lot to do with it)
  • See a healthcare physician
  • Stay positive no matter what
  • Turn off your brain for a good hour each day
  • Stay around only positive people
  • DO NOT change your regular lifestyle, maintain it
  • DO NOT rely on medication, it is temporary
  • Talk to others about your similar situation (this helps a lot)
  • Keep telling yourself you are okay, soon enough you will believe it (it worked for me)
  • Brain wash yourself
  • Most importantly, TALK do not bottle in, TALK, let it out
YOU are not alone, anxiety will not win you, you will win it!
Feel free to leave comments of your thoughts, and experiences below 🙂
See you in a bit, 
Love Vivi/ Creativien

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